I have been reflecting on what to say about Mothers for several weeks.  One thing that people seem to forget is that babies do not come with instruction books. When they cry, you need to figure out whether they are hungry, need a diaper changed, ill or just cranky. There is no training to be a mother. I think the reason it takes 9 months to have a baby is for us to adjust to the fact that we are giving up our own identities to someone who will spit on us, cry all the time, and wake up in the middle of the night. Any time we had for ourselves is a fond memory. I will not even say what happens to our bodies! Everything I am saying applies equally to biological mothers and adoptive mothers. This is the time when a young woman really grows up and becomes a responsible adult. To me, mothers are the glue that holds families together. When I had my daughter, my husband was my rock.  He supported me when I was too tired to think straight. I give a special salute to the single parent who has had to be mother and father to her children.  Mothers are frequently taken for granted. Surprise! The reason is that we will always be there to help in any way we can. We help with homework even if it means we have to learn new math, we are chauffeurs, make the house a home, set schedules, grocery shop and , in many cases, work outside the home. Our main job is to teach our children to be individuals and responsible adults. This means they will leave us someday to start their own lives. Many times this is thankless work. At times they will say they hate us. My best response to that was that I did not like them very much at the moment, but I still loved them.  Our job is to love them which will break our heart when they leave that final time. We are no longer on the center stage but have moved backstage in their lives. I have now regained my identity, but I sometimes miss those after school conversations about the trials and triumphs of my daughter’s day. I recently read an article about the dos and don’ts of celebrating Mother’s Day.  I agreed with some and disagreed with others. I decided to come up with my own list. First of all let me say I do not think gift certificates are impersonal.  I do think they are practical when you do not know sizes or specific tastes.

!. Do not take your mother out to eat on Mother’s Day. I know this will upset the restaurants of the world. This is actually the busiest day of the year for restaurants. This means that you will have to wait for a table. Because there are so many people there, there will be no place for your elderly mother to sit. Tempers will be lost and no one will have any fun. I know that I would appreciate it if my daughter or son would prepare a meal for me in their home.  They do not need to be a good cook. I would just enjoy the time spent together as a family.

2. Do not buy your mother a home cleaning gadget, unless she specifically requests one.

3. Do base your present on your mother’s personality. If she likes movies, buy her a gift certificate for the movies. If she is unable to go to movies, buy her DVD’s that she would like to see. What mother does not like chick flicks?  Create a selection of Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes, Under the Tuscan Sun and Atonement.  She can laugh and cry at the same time.

4. Do not go with a generic present such as a box of chocolate from the drugstore or a bouquet of roses. If she is a chocoholic, go the extra step and buy her the best in chocolate such as Godiva. At the very least, give a gift certificate so she may select her own.

5. Do tell your mother that you love and appreciate the things she has done for you. I know one lady who gave her mother a jar with a pretty ribbon. Inside the jar, she had slips of papers with memories of moments from her childhood and thought of appreciation for moments when her mother was there for her.

6. Do help your mother around her house if there is something to be fixed that she can no longer do for her self.  It may be something as simple changing a light bulb if she is uncomfortable about standing on a ladder.

7. Do not call your Mother at the end of Mother’s Day or the day after to tell her Happy Mother’s Day.   The only acceptable reason would be if you are overseas, in jail or a spy.

8. Do help your mother in the garden if she is a gardener. You can help weed or dig out the beds if she is longer able to do the hard work.  It is also great way to spend time together.

9.  Do give a gift certificate to Fabric.com if your mother loves fabric but you do not know what kind she likes.

10. Last but not least- Do remember your mother on Mother’s Day even if it is just a card or phone call. Remember Mom will always love you!

Check in on Friday. I believe Chef Bubba from the Redneck Cafe will have some Mother’s Day recipes for you.